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Can Child Custody Be Regained?

Losing a child in a custody battle is one of the most pain-inflicting times any parent could face mentally. Usually, a parent would lose custody of their child due to various reasons and factors like crime, neglect, or abuse. 

A parent can regain the primary lost custody of their child or children. The process of regaining custody is, however, long and tasking. Proving to the judge that the primary factors to which they lost custody have now changed is pretty tricky but is not impossible.

In such cases, hiring a Gig Harbor Child Support Attorney can help you guide the procedure on how you can reclaim your child’s custody back. Here is how you can regain your child’s custody:

Assess prior faults:

The judge will always state or mention the reason as to why you lost your child’s custody. For regaining the lost faith, necessary changes need to be made. According to the case, your attorney will tell you how you can overcome this hurdle. It could be gaining productive employment, enrolling in addiction recovery programs, or making your home a more safe and child-friendly environment, among others. Proof of such changes will speak volumes in the courtroom.

Reinstatement contingencies:

The parent may regain the lost custody, contingent on the happening of a specific event. Adjusting and bringing about such changes are challenging but are your best bet to get your kids back. Attending mediation, rehabilitation in alcoholism and substance abuse cases, parental counseling, etc., can help reinstate custody.

Legal counsel:

Having an experienced and winning attorney in such a case could be your best investment to get your kids back. An attorney would help you with the paperwork and tell you what to document to benefit your case.

Request for an in-House evaluation:

After getting legal aid and complying with the court’s contingency, put in a request for an in-house evaluation. The evaluation carried out by a psychologist will ensure that the environment for the child is suitable and as per the standards of the state. Additionally, the interaction between the child and parent will also be documented.

Keep calm:

While waiting for the results of the evaluation, excise your visitation rights. Keep in mind that while visiting your child in the presence of the child’s guardian, be on your best behavior. This is because such events can quickly turn all your efforts into vain. Be courteous in your approach to both the child and the child’s legal caretaker.

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How to throw a 20s themed party

Known as the Roaring Twenties, the 1920s was a decade epitomised by glamour and excess. With the First World War out the way, young people simply wanted to let their hair down and celebrate life, with parties, cocktails, music, and dancing.

If you’re hosting your own party, then a 20s theme is guaranteed to wow your guests and see they have the time of their lives. Here are just a few things you might like to consider when planning a 20 themed party.

Decorations

One colour scheme we really associate with the 1920s is black and gold, and the art deco style was all the rage. Think about black and gold table cloths, gold tassel chandeliers, and big, bold table centrepieces involving gold balloons, peacock feathers and sequins. Chinese print lanterns were popular, as were elegant fabrics such as red velvet, so a red carpet at the entrance wouldn’t go amiss. You might also want to look into hiring fairy light curtains, and possibly an ice bar if your venue is big enough.

Live music

No 20s themed party would be complete without a live band, because parties in the Roaring Twenties were all about the dancing and the music! Having a live band adds to the atmosphere and makes people want to get up and let their hair down because it’s hard to stop yourself foot tapping when there is live music in the room. You could request some fast-paced jazz or swing to fit in with your theme because this was the era in which jazz took off big time on both sides of the Atlantic.

Costumes

Fashion went a bit wild in the 20s! Women dared to bare for the first time, and so-called ‘flapper girls’ appeared on the scene and shook things up. For an authentic 20s themed party, women might choose dresses influenced by the period, with plenty of tassles, sequins, and patterned silk. For men, the dress code could involve sharp suits or even plus fours.

Food and drink

The 20s was the age of the cocktail, so a long cocktail list at the bar is required here! Think of the classics – gin and tonic, cosmopolitan, bloody Mary, whisky sidecar. Food-wise, you might go for elegant food bowls and canapes, basically anything which can be eaten standing up to keep the party going! That might include things such as smoked salmon, bruschetta, mini puff pastry tarts, and sandwiches, all of which can be eaten on the go.

The key to a successful 20s themed party is bringing that touch of glamour and excitement to proceedings, by capturing the mood of the period. Stick to your gold and black colour scheme, inject some fun with live music and raise a glass to the era of excess!

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How To Tell A Story: Secrets To Writing Captivating Fiction

Is writing a fiction novel your dream? Perhaps you are confused about the writing process no matter how many books you read. Don’t worry; this is a common occurrence to most writers. Writing fiction can be overwhelming, but it will become easier when you master the craft, and your book may even become a bestseller, like ‘File Under: 13 Suspicious Incidents’ by Daniel Handler. Below are a few secrets to writing captivating fiction.

Love And Own Your Story

Writers have many stories in their minds waiting to be fleshed out. However, there is always one story that you love and are more passionate about. That is the story to start writing. Start investing in the characters and plot of your best fiction and watch it become a reality.

Understand Why You Want to Write Fiction

Before you start writing, it’s worth taking a moment to understand what you are doing as a writer. Ask yourself why you want to write that book and how much you want it to succeed. Do you want your fiction to change people’s lives, or your goal Is to make an income? Asking yourself such questions will determine what you will write about and if the results will make you happy.

Keep It Simple

If you want to make it easy for your audience to read your book, keep it simple. Keeping it simple will also get your story across, especially if you are writing children’s fiction books. You must write in a language that they will understand. A succinct language will ensure your audience gets your message. In his book, ‘A Series of Unfortunate Events’, award-winning author Daniel Handler keeps his audience engaged in an easy yet clear language. This has made him become one of the best children’s book authors.

Use Active Voice

If you want to keep your readers engaged from the beginning to the end, always use an active voice in your book. Ensure that you follow the basic structure of nouns-verbs-objects. Although it’s not wrong to use passive voice, you should limit it in fiction stories.

Take Breaks If Necessary

Writing can be mentally exhausting. You may suffer writer’s block now and then. When this happens, take a break from your computer and engage in other activities. You can change your environment to get your blood flowing and ignite ideas. Proceed with writing after you feel better, energized, and ready for the task.

Writing fiction requires dedication and a lot of hard work. However, you can make the process easier by following the tips mentioned above.

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How to Take Care of Therapy Pets Properly

Emotional support animals, also known as therapy pets, offer a ton of health benefits to their owners with mental or physical conditions. However, the care and maintenance your pet needs may be stressful, taking a toll on you. No matter how difficult it is to care for them, they will give you all the love and guidance you need, which is why you should return the favor, too!

If you’re having trouble figuring out how to care for your therapy dog properly, here are a few helpful tips:

  1. Exercise Together

Exercising together is an awesome way to build a positive relationship while staying in shape. Furthermore, therapy pets should stay healthy, away from illnesses and obesity, with exercise doing just the trick. Daily walks, training sessions, swims, and runs around the park are great exercises for both you and your therapy pet.

After exercise, and even during rest days, make sure that you feed your pet in proper amounts and with healthy food. You can ask for recommendations from your vet on what food and treats your dog should have to maintain their good health.

  1. Frequent Checkups

Again, your therapy pet’s health is of utmost importance. Keep their health in check through frequent checkups with their veterinarian. That way, the vet can identify any illnesses (or risk of it) early on for them to be treated right away before they worsen.

Doing so will help your pet stay healthy and will go easy on your wallet, compared to missing out on vet appointments until it’s too late.

  1. Give Them Love and Affection

Your therapy pet is more than just a helpful animal, he is your family! They require constant love and dedication for them to thrive and stay healthy. And remember, animals are social creatures, so spend more time with your pet and give them the necessary mental and physical stimulation.

Play with them with dog toys from Peggasus Pets, cuddle with them daily, and make sure you always give them the time of day to give a positive attention they love. If ever your pet misbehaved, use positive reinforcement instead of hitting or punishing, as this won’t help them learn quickly and behave better!

  1. Groom Them Regularly

It’s important to bathe and regularly groom your pet for them to stay clean and healthy. Trim their nails for comfier walks, bathe them to reduce itching and skin conditions, brush their teeth for their dental health, then brush their fur to avoid matting or hair loss.

If you are unable to groom your pet yourself, you can always take them to a professional!

Furthermore, do care for their eyes and ears as well, which are prone to mites and infection. After grooming your dog, give their eyes and ears a thorough inspection, making sure that everything is all clear and that your dog isn’t feeling uncomfortably around those sensitive parts.

Wrapping It Up

Caring for your therapy dog doesn’t need to be so difficult with the right knowledge and tips. Continue taking care of them and keeping them happy and healthy, for them to help you do the same every day.

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Equipment You Need For a Long Hike With Your Dog

Do you love hiking with your dog? This is such a relaxing activity that can help maintain great health while having the time of your life with your best friend!

Remember that hiking is different from a walk around the neighborhood though, requiring special gear. And yes, they will need more than enthusiasm and a pet water bottle from PetSwag.

To keep them safe from harm while still having a fun time, make sure that you pack these equipment for both of you to enjoy the hike.

  1. Harness

I recommend that you get a no pull dog harness for your dog, something colorful and that you can see from a distance in case your dog decides to run. The harness should be a good fit and give you control throughout the hike, which is helpful when dealing with excited dogs that love to tug and pull.

  1. ID tags or microchips

It’s best to have your dog microchipped before going out and traveling, which can be done by their vet. Other ID tags include a registered tattoo and identification tags linked to your dog’s collar.

  1. Food and water

Being at least a cup of water for every hour you hike. This amount is for one dog, so adjust the amount of water you bring accordingly. Do NOT let dogs drink standing water, as this may have bacteria and parasites that cause sicknesses.

Furthermore, bring food and nutritious snacks for dogs, offering this throughout the hike to maintain your dog’s energy levels. I recommend feeding your dog in small amounts frequently so they aren’t uncomfortable when hiking on a full stomach.

Pack a collapsible food and water bowl as well to feed your dog properly.

  1. Plastic bag and a small spade

These are necessary when dealing with dog waste, so you won’t leave a mess in the trail.

  1. First aid kit

Carry the right first aid kit supplies that can treat injuries your dog can experience when hiking. Bring the following:

  • Hydrogen peroxide
  • Scissors that have rounded tips
  • Gauze pads and bandages
  • Tweezers
  • Small socks or booties
  1. Reflective items

Let your dog wear reflective clothing or accessories, depending on the weather. A reflective collar, leash, jacket, or even a small light offers a layer of protection when hiking during the evening.

  1. Extra doggie clothing

Make sure that you have extra clothes on hand, as you never know what the weather will be like! These clothes are also helpful for special activities, which is why it’s best to plan and check the weather predictions to know what clothes to pack for your dog.

Bring booties to protect your dog’s paws, a bandana for a form of identification or a bandage, and an insulated jacket for warmth. Consider bringing a canine flotation device in case you plan to go on boat rides!

Wrapping It Up

Next time you’re going hiking with your dog, make sure that you invest in the right gear for them and yourself. Enjoy your next hike and plan according to the weather and conditions in your area.

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Do I Always Need A Lawyer?

It is important to know that there are some times when you need a lawyer. It is helpful to you if you exactly when those times are. It may be helpful to you if you know when you do not need a lawyer. We are going to briefly touch on the times when you should consider hiring a lawyer.

If you were arrested for a crime, you should contact a lawyer. You do not want to handle that situation on your own without legal representation. If you have been served papers as a result of a civil lawsuit, content a lawyer. If you have been involved in an accident that caused injury or damage to property, or if there has been a major change in your family statuses like adoption, death, or divorce, you should contact a lawyer as soon as possible. If you are starting a business, file for bankruptcy, or there is a loss of personal property, you should contact a lawyer before starting any of these ventures.

Some of the times you do not need a lawyer include when you have a case in small claims court. This type of case is for civil disputes that usually do not include large amounts of money. The cap for the amount of this money is set by each state. These cases tend to be more informal where both parties sit before a judge and each party is able to tell their side of the story. The judge listens and then makes a decision about the case.

If you receive a traffic ticket, you should consider just paying for fine for the ticket and accepting the points you will receive. If the points are so high that you might get a suspended license, you might want to consider a lawyer. A lawyer may be able to help reduce the severity of the ticket and make it, so you only have to pay a fine and not subject to points on your license. Otherwise, you can handle paying the fine without involving a lawyer.

If you are involved with a lawsuit, and you do not want to contest it, you may be able to do so without an attorney. If you are willing to pay the amount listed in the lawsuit, you can go to court without a lawyer. If you still are not sure and need to learn more about when you need a lawyer, there are some ways to find out if a lawyer can help you with your current situation.

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Top Practical Concerns Before Giving Birth

When you’re pregnant, you’re excited to meet your baby whether you’re having your first or fifth child. However, you’re also nervous about giving birth. Follow these tips to prepare yourself so you can look forward to your baby’s birthday without anxiety.

Talk to Your Doctor About Birth Options

There are many ways to give birth, from lying down on a hospital bed to floating in a pool of water. Depending on your hospital’s size and budget, it may not offer many options, but all hospitals offer both vaginal births and Cesarean sections. Generally, people who are in good health give birth vaginally to avoid having surgery. However, if your placenta is covering your cervix, if you or your baby experience cardiac distress, or if the baby is stuck, the doctor performs a C-section. Although this birthing method is not most people’s first choice, it’s an important measure for avoiding birth injuries.

Learn Your Insurance Company’s Maternity Coverage

People often complain about the high cost of raising a child, but just giving birth to one is expensive, too. Before you head to the hospital, reach out to your insurance company and find out how much of the bill is covered. Although all major American insurance companies include labor and delivery in their programs, the amount of coverage ranges from 25 to 90 percent. This information is also important to have if you’re considering special services such as a water birth. After all, you want to enjoy your time with your new baby when you leave the hospital rather than stressing about your bills.

Ask About Your Hospital’s Visitor Policy

Some new parents love visitors when their babies are newborns; others don’t want anyone to come to the hospital. Regardless of what camp you’re in, ask your doctor about your hospital’s visitor policy. That way, you can make it clear to your family and friends what the rules are before you’re in labor. If you have kids, don’t forget to ask about age limits. For example, some hospitals don’t allow children younger than 12 into maternity wards, although others make exceptions for siblings.

Getting ready for your baby takes lots of effort; you have to take care of your health and prepare your family for your newest member. However, your last months of being pregnant don’t have to be stressful. Take care of these practical concerns so that you can relax and enjoy your third trimester.

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When Should Kids Start to Learn to Play Golf?

If you were a golfing enthusiast yourself and you played the game for many years, you probably have great memories of tournaments and friendships along the way. If you now have a family and your little one’s are getting to an age where you think they should try golf, there are many ways to get them involved in the game.

Getting Them Interested

When you have young kids, the first thing you need to do to get involved in golf is to spark an interest. This can be done in many ways; you just have to be creative and try to capture their imagination.

Before getting your kid golf lessons you can check to see if your little one’s will enjoy the game. Here are some ways to expose them to golf and hopefully create an interest.

  • Online Games

There are many ways to get kids interested in golf and using technology is a good strategy. Why not let them play golf games on a tablet or smartphone and see if they enjoy it. You can then ask them if they would like to try it in real life.

  • Kiddies Golfing Sets

You could buy them a kids golf set and see if they take to the game.

  • YouTube Videos

Instead of showing them adults playing golf, try to get some videos of younger kids having fun on the green or hitting off the tee.

Professional Coaching

If your child shows an interest in golf and they really want to learn, you should consider enrolling them in a group course with other kids to see if they enjoy the experience. Professional coaches know how to make learning fun and create enjoyable training sessions for kids.

The Right Age to Start

Many parents ask this question and there is no right answer. If your child is mature enough to handle a club and listen to instructions, they are old enough to play golf. Children progress and develop at different ages, so you must assess their ability and not think about their age.

Famous players like Tiger Woods learned to play golf from the age of 2, but not all children are like this. We wish we had a child prodigy on our hands, but they are rare and players like Woods do not come around very often. First get them interested in the game and then see how they develop as they age.

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All About the Jewish Religion

There are several religions in the world today, and some people strictly follow the Jewish faith. Every religion has its own beliefs.  Jewish religious people have ideas that guide them in their daily lives. They believe in Jewish religious authorities and traditions. They have commandments that they should obey throughout their lives. Below are essential things to know about the Jewish religion.

Believe in One God

Jewish religion follows the fundamental laws of Judaism that are derived from the Bible’s first five books. The tenet of Judaism teaches that there is only one God. It further teaches that everyone was created in God’s image and should be treated with respect. They believe that God is eternal and wants people to act right and be merciful. They don’t judge because they think that God is the one to judge.

People of a Covenant

Torah has a commandment that the Jewish people study, pray, and observe to serve their God. This makes them faithful to the covenant in the Bible. Jewish religious people believe that it’s by people’s deeds that they’ll be judged. It isn’t a must for people to join their religion for redemption. This religion isn’t a missionary one, and it’s not by the identification that one joins the Jewish faith. The Jewish authorities make decisions for those willing to convert and become Jewish.

Sacred and Religious Writings

The Bible is an essential text in the Jewish religion. They rely mostly on the Prophets, the Torah, and the writings in the old testament of the Bible. After the destruction of the Jerusalem Temple in 70 CE, scholars from the Jewish religion needed to preserve their religious laws and regulations. To achieve this, it brought together the six volumes of Mishnah. Later, Gemara was introduced to record discussions and commentaries. The two texts together make the Talmudists, which is used by the Jewish religion to date.

Religious Life

The Jewish religion is mostly observed at home. They say a prayer three times daily, in the morning, afternoon, and evening. However, congregational prayers are held in a synagogue. The Jewish services in the temple involve reading the Torah and the Prophets. These readings are read in Hebrew on Mondays, Thursdays, festivals, High Holy days, and the Sabbath. The congregation must listen and understand these readings.

Though a rabbi-an ordained religious leader mostly leads the synagogue service, at times, any member from the congregation can lead. The rabbi leads the service daily or weekly for the congregation. They are also approached to help in making decisions regarding Jewish laws and traditions. Matters such as divorce help in a Jewish religious court. The court helps to make better decisions on more serious spiritual issues for their members.

Above is a guide regarding the Jewish religion. They study the Torah and writings keenly to guide them in following the commandments. They believe in one God who they worship in the synagogue. Jewish leaders must undergo training in a yeshiva for them to become ordained. Though the Jewish have their own beliefs, they don’t expect everyone to follow them. All they need is people to treat each other justly.

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What to do if you are accused of cheating when you are not

Working through infidelity can be one of the biggest tests any couple can go through, but what about a couple who have to contend with accusations of cheating or having an affair, when in fact no adultery has actually been committed?

Imagine it, every time you are a late from work because of new road works or a traffic accident, or something landed on your desk when you were planning to leave and your partner is convinced you are cheating and lying to them about why you are home late. Or maybe you forgot to charge your battery and so your phone was dead when your husband or wife tried to call you on your lunch break, and now they are adamant you were cheating and turned it off deliberately. While these may sound like extreme cases to most, others have to deal with this kind of situation on a daily basis –  whether they are the ones constantly being accused like this, or they are the ones who are so convinced their partner is cheating and can’t let it go.

Today I want to address a few things –

  • Case Studies of couples I have worked with to overcome accusations of cheating
  • Why people accuse others of cheating
  • What to do when someone is accusing you of cheating and you aren’t

Case Study 1

Sarah and Martin have been together for 16 years and have been battling accusations of cheating, on and off, for a number of years. Both in their early 50’s they came to me for help because their teenage son was sick and tired of hearing them argue over the same thing again and again.

Martin was convinced that Sarah snuck out of the house to cheat on him at night. His proof was that google maps showed that her phone was in a different location in the city at 3am. Sarah often sleeps in the spare room due to his snoring and separate rooms is a habit they both got into as they have different times they like to sleep and wake. He had been studying this map tracker for months, years and believes it is proof she is cheating. He accused her of sleeping separately so she can sneak out in the night and have an affair.

Sarah is drained of this “Nicola I am in my 50’s why would I sneak out at 3am like a teenager, it makes no sense. I’ve never cheated and I never will”  Sarah noticed that these accusations crop up when Martin is not working. A similar situation occurred 4 years ago when Martin lost his job and was worrying about his finances, with the extra time on his hands he began to be obsessed that his wife was having an affair at work. Sarah says when Martin has nothing to do, he begins to have fears and obsessions come up that are unfounded.  “Nicola he is like a dog with a bone – he will not let the conversation slide and keeps trying to push me to admit things” He tells me and my son that he has evidence, but when we ask to see the evidence he does not show us anything.

Whilst working with Martin and Sarah, there were a few things that I noticed. Martin became extremely insecure when he lost his job as he felt he no longer had anything to offer Sarah and that Sarah would leave him for someone more successful. No matter what Sarah said, nothing would reassure him, and this was because it was an insecurity Martin needed to work on.

I did a lot of work with Martin on how to boost his self-confidence and refocus his mind on fitness and an online business. Martin needed to learn he had a lot to offer regardless of his financial situation. Sarah had proved to him over the years that she is not there for financial security but because she is in love with him and I helped him to see that through meditations that were loaded with positive affirmations about himself and through us talking through different scenarios as they came up and changing the thought process to what was actually happening and not what he assumed was happening peace was restored. I also supported them to rebuild the connection, sleep in the same room and communicate with compassion. Now the family is happier and the home peaceful.

Case Study 2

Cory and Rachel have been together for 9 months. They have plans to get married and build a family. However, Cory had recently been convinced that Rachel was having an affair with another man in her building.

Cory got overly jealous and was constantly worried when she was not home – he had thoughts of her having an affair with this guy. Cory managed to get hold of the guy’s number and became obsessed with checking when both the other guy and Rachel were online on WhatsApp. If they were online together, it made him further believe that they were having an affair. He was checking this when they were apart several times a day and taking screenshots as evidence, especially the start and end of the day when they were apart.

It is important to remember that being on WhatsApp at the same time as someone else is not enough evidence to accuse someone of having an affair. In fact, Cory has no concrete proof and is purely going on his own thoughts and assumptions.

I met with Rachel and worked out instantly she has not cheated, having worked with so many people all over the world for 16 years I can tell most times if someone is lying. She had no interest in the guy accused of having an affair with and no intentions of cheating. Rachel told me she spends most of her time with her boyfriend to reassure him, staying over again and again, even if they have an argument. Yet he can also get uneasy when she is on her phone in his presence – wanting to know who is texting her and why she is on WhatsApp at certain times over night. He also is uneasy when she takes her bag with the phone in to the toilet with her, when out at lunch.

Cory has gone as far as to threaten the guy via text message and phone calls. He also contacted the guy’s girlfriend and warned her that Rachel and this guy were having an affair. No matter what Rachel said, it did nothing to deter him from accusing her of cheating and him behaving so irrationally – including going to see the guy to confront him about cheating with his girlfriend. Demanding the guy told him to his face and they guy did and he calmed down for a while but still the next day started accusing again. This was the final straw for Rachel.

Thankfully, I was able to work with Cory to calm him emotions down and to work on his thought processes and his reactions. I created meditations specifically to address Cory’s inner most insecure thoughts and provided him with anxiety calming exercises to restore his confidence and release those insecurities.

So why do people accuse others of cheating.

There are three main reasons why people accuse others of cheating –

  1. Personal insecurities or past experiences

Insecurities can come for a number of reasons. Society can make us all feel ugly, unsuccessful, not good enough on the best of days and when we are in a relationship these feelings can be heightened because we are opening up and being vulnerable with someone who can potentially hurt us. You may compare yourself with others who are “better looking” richer, smarter or whom you believe can offer your partner more than you can. This kind of harmful thinking can lead to fear that your partner may leave, be attracted to someone else or cheat.

Past cheating is also a major contributor to insecurities. It can be first hand, you have cheated or been cheated on and your mind won’t let it go because your scared of getting hurt again. It can be your current partner’s history, they have cheated on someone before. Where they shared they cheated on someone else in the past and was honest with you but now you can’t help but worry that they will cheat on you too.

There can also be insecurities and fears that come from witnessing others traumatized by either cheating or abandonment. Like an affair happening to a close friend or close family member or parent’s breaking up over infidelity.

Bullying and name calling can affect self-esteem, as well as the aging process or weight gain.

Lastly in the relationship white lies on different topics and hiding, withholding information in different areas can arouse suspicions.

Whilst these are all valid reasons people get insecure and suspicious and may not be the fault of the person with them. It is the responsibility to help themselves to change them, as if they give into the thoughts they can become overwhelming and consuming.

  1. Misunderstanding of situations or behaviors

Perception is so subjective – how we see a situation can be totally different to what is actually happening. For example, if your husband or wife walks outside to take a call, it can automatically make you feel like they are hiding something, when in reality you may have the TV on, and they are taking a professional call. In some cases, they are actually planning a surprise for their partner and don’t want to give the game away! There are so many more reasons, but often it’s easier to think there is something suspicious going on.

In this day and age with phone addiction rife, taking the phone or tablet to the toilet is also becoming the norm, which worries some people.

Additionally, different personalities will behave differently in different situations. Some love to chat to strangers, be friendly and warm to all they meet, others are more reserved. The more reserved may see their partner as flirty or too much, they may see it as being friendly and part of who they are.

  1. Guilty conscience

Some people project what they are doing or have done onto others. If a person has had an affair, you may notice that they begin to accuse others of doing the same thing – it’s an easy way to shift the guilt and some even go as far as to accuse others of cheating in their mind, so that they can justify their own cheating.

It’s also easier to feel like others will do to you, what you have so done to others – so if someone has had an affair behind their partner’s back, they may fear that their husband of wife will do the same to get them back.

If you are someone who is being accused of cheating, I understand how upsetting and stressful it can be, not to mention how much it can negatively impact your relationship.  Below I am sharing my most successful tips that have helped countless couples through such a difficult situation.

First step is

  • Clarify what they feel constitutes cheating

This helps to figure out what it is that makes your husband or wife believe that you are cheating. This helps you both to air out what your thoughts and feelings are about particular situations, for example, messaging a work colleague late at night. Even if you think you are doing something innocently, if it is something that your partner doesn’t think is appropriate then you both need to come to some kind of agreement on what is and isn’t acceptable. This will also help clear up any misunderstandings.

If you continue to do something that your partner doesn’t like, you may start to do things behind their back, and this can increase their feelings of betrayal or lack of trust.

Of course some people are accused of full blown cheating when they are not and this step may not help in these cases.

  • Build the trust

If there are things you are doing or have previously done that has given your husband or wife reasons to think you are cheating, try to counteract this by doing things that will rebuild the trust. Involve your partner in this – ask them what needs to be done for them to feel more comfortable or trusting.

This doesn’t mean you walk around on eggshells and give into their every demand but doing things to reassure them, like spending quality time together, planning special date nights and paying attention to things they like too. Especially if there are things that you do that can easily be misconstrued as something more than friendly, now is the time to let those bad habits go.

  • Be patient

As with any relationship, when there are any issues to work through, they can take some time and real effort – this is why you need to be patient. Don’t expect your partner to get over their fears or insecurities overnight but also remember there is only so much you can do to do to prove yourself. They will need to take action if they want to stop their own insecurities and out bursts.

If you have done everything you can to reassure your partner that you are committed to them and it’s not enough for them then I strongly advise seeking relationship counseling online .

  • Seek professional help

Sometimes when insecurities or relationship issues are so deep, it is better to see someone who has experience in dealing with relationships, anxiety and affairs. It’s not just about supporting you and your partner through the accusations but can also support you both working together to build a healthier and happier connection to one another.

If fact if you are looking to do that right now, build a closer union, do check out my brand new relationship masterclass, a 43 minute video designed to outline the key steps to saving a relationship on the brink, or gaining clarity if one of you is unsure.

Having someone who can look at your relationship from the outside, can really help you both see where situations are being looked at the wrong way or can guide your conversations to reveal the true reasons behind why the lack of trust or accusations of infidelity are part of your relationship.

Let me finish with one more case study as a story of hope for the listeners

Maria has been married to Tony for 3 years, however over the last year Maria had a feeling that Tony was cheating and that he was meeting someone regularly behind her back.

Maria needed to know where Tony was at all times and went as far as to put a new phone in his car without him knowing so that she should trace the phone and track where Tony was at all times. Even if Tony was at the place he told Maria he was going to, she was adamant that he was meeting someone there.

Tony eventually found the phone and when he confronted her the discussion quickly turned into a heated argument. Tony couldn’t understand why Maria was accusing him of cheating when he had done nothing wrong and Maria couldn’t shake the feeling that he was having an affair.

I decided the best approach to this couple was to work with them individually and then together as a couple. I needed to work out what the root cause was for Maria thinking Tony was cheating. It didn’t take me long!

Maria explained that Tony has an extremely friendly personality and sometimes she worries that women will misunderstand this and think he is flirting. Maria is more of an introvert and so doesn’t understand why Tony has to be so friendly with everyone.

Tony believed that his words should be enough and that there is nothing more he could do to reassure his wife of his commitment to her. He said he loves the attention he gets from other people as Maria is not the most affectionate but would never dream of cheating on Maria.

I was able to help both Maria and Tony work out why they feel the way they do and how their feelings and past experiences shape their future reactions. Maria knowing that she is an introvert and not as open as Tony left her feeling vulnerable and made her feel insecure in her marriage, whereas Tony sought compliments from others with no intentions of taking it further – he just wanted that self-esteem boost.

Working with Maria and Tony together as a couple I was able to help them bridge the communication gap between them. It meant both had different things to work on separately but also had to work on things together to make sure they were making their marriage a happy and secure one.

If you are the partner who suspects your partner. Realize that you may be right and you may not be. It is hard to know the difference between fears and insecurities your stuff and their stuff they are withdrawing, lying hiding something.

This is where you will need to know and understand – is this a gut feeling or fear in the mind. A gut knowing is like a knowing – you know, it’s clear and you feel it strongly and calmly. The mind insecurities is in the head and is more panicky. If your stuck reach out to me if you would like some support to work this out.

So if you are going through this

  • Be prepared to explore your insecurities and fears
  • Get the right support so you and your partner can implement the right changes to bring you both closer together and understand where you are both coming from.
  • Take good care of yourself – start doing things that build your self-confidence and self-esteem. Take time to work on yourself so that your focus isn’t what your partner could be doing – rather you are building yourself up to be the best version of yourself. This includes sleeping, moving and eating well!

 It’s always helpful to remember that if you both truly love one another and really want to be in a healthy relationship together then you have the power to make that happen.  Change is possible, everyone is capable of changing if they want to. If your partner has been through things in their past that makes it harder for them to trust you or they’ve misunderstood things, then you know that with the right love and support you can both do the healing and relationship work to become closer.

Nicola Beer is a Relationship and Anxiety Specialist. US certified grief recovery specialist, life coach and hypnotherapist based in Dubai, UAE.

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